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Fan: the source of all evil
"Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."— R.D. Laining opening sequence The Gmod universe, so chaotic and expansive. The everlasting series of venturian tale. The most well known of them,Papa Acachalla. This character however is not Venturians only champion. For Johnny Ghost has certainly gotten equal fan love, perhaps more. Yet, we know so little about them, about their past, about their skills, they are an enigma to most. Will the text you read tell us how or why they are the way they are? Probably not. For the lines of continuity with these characters are to mangled for even alternate universes to un wind. This story is all my power as a narrator can perspire in a world of madness and false truths. All I might accurately guess is the evils that change these two men, and the source of their intent. chapter one:Cackasneaker Man mythos Void. Void, broken worlds, fallen stars and Best buy's. This is what makes up 73.27% of the 13th dimensions geography. It's inhabitants,some mindless cosmic horrors, some maniacal savages who kill their kin and drink their nuclear mayonnaise. All of these horrible works were birthed from the twisted dreams of a once great dragon emperor. Now a moon sized brain dead horror who swims and flaps and kicks in the void his dream have wrought. His head the size of a mountain and shape of a chicken viper. A world swallowing maw utters ancient nonsense with the voice of a thousand angry turkeys on macaroni, or Eddie Murphy singing jingle bell while choking on a bowling pin. His pigeon legs were thin but stretched miles, kicking and scraping at the void. And it's eyes, reflective of stardust and void of soul. Atop the bile thing was a tower of rusted metal and stained diamond was grounded into its skull and brain. Inside was and board room the size of a gladiator arena. the floor a thick glass with what was presumably the things brain. In the center was a rotted table with six seats around it, on in particular what seemed to be a...golden toilet? Hmm, sorry I thought this story would take itself a bit more seriously, you know the beginning and all kind of a dark spin on thinks. Then again, didn't I say stuff about nuclear mayonnaise? I apologize this is unprofessional, I'll keep going. Sooner than later an elder of a man teleported into the room. Collected and taking position of a manager of sorts siting atop the toilet, wearing that of a janitors attire. This in fact was none other than the Toilet Toucher, bane of P.I.E,destroyer of worlds, and that creeper in Every public bathroom. It appeared this toilet toucher was preparing a sermon or ritual of sorts. With an echoing yodel an enormous flash of light consumed the room, for creatures even odder to appear before him. All dazed,confused and enraged upon arrival of the room. First to get any sense of his surroundings was Prince Fang dragon emperor and salesman of the 13th dimension. " wha.. (Sniff) (sniff)Who brings the all mighty Prince fang to this place weird and dreaded. I recognize that beautiful odor, like scented lotion mixed with toe jam. Who bring me to Cackasneakerman's brain cage?!" Lashing out at the first thing to be seen, Prince fang spat what looked to be a tall man in a black suit. To the princes surprise the fire ball was blocked by a pasty inhuman hand, the figures head appearing from the shadows with face absent with and ever pail skin. Being no other than Slenderman, lord of all creepy pasta and king of stalking. "Impressive bald one." Prince fang snared at his could be foe. "But Defense alone shall not save you from my wrath." Unfazed by the small dragon words, the tall man drew forth its tendrils to grab his attacker, only to be evaded. As retaliation Prince fang dashed to the air and kicked slenderman into the face. Bringing him to the ground. The Prince attempted to finish him of but was grabbed by slendy's tendrils. From nowhere both creatures were run over by a truck, whose driver remained invisible. "Ghostly truck!" The voice was none other then Maxwell Acachalla ghost of the Wild West and seeker of vengeance from a brother who abandoned him. "Wait a minute, that's not what papa Acachalla sounds like when he get hit by a truck! Where am I?" While distracted. Prince fang escaped slendermans clutches and flew towards the windshield of the truck. "Blaaaaahhh! Blahh?! Prince fang witnessing the absence of the driver discovered he was in the presence of a ghost. Slenderman, recovering from shock prepared to continue his battle. But again from nowhere came another figure, a beast with the head of a singular horned horse. Wait a minute is that a unicorn? You know to be honest I have been really trying to ignore it but this is some weird stuff! Don't get me wrong, I'll keep reading but uh do expect me breaking character later. I'm sorry but I'm afraid it the only way for me to cope Anyway the unicorn took notice to her company. "Hello friends my name is Stardust Sprinkleshine, best friends to all." The three entities looked in aw at their latest arrival, not even bothering to challenge her. "Would anyone care for a tofu muffin?" "Uh no thank you?" Replied Maxwell expecting a rather pleasant answer. First her eye twitched ever slightly, then out of no where pull out two m-60's from her side "oh I see!" Spoke the deranged unicorn, voice now thuggish in nature. "Cowboys too tuff to try my muffins! Thinks he's the good!when he really the bad! Now you all gonna be the ugly, just as soon as I fill your faces with lead!" Bullet flied straight into the possessed truck, Prince and slendy escaped the truck explosion while Maxwell simply laughed. "Foolish unicorn no bullets can harm Maxwell.! You will die for your insol... Huh. Maxwell began to notice his essence was being devoured by Prince fang. " AHHHHH get it away from me!" Stardust gave a smirk, only for slenderman to smack it of her face. " Oh, slendy think he got the groove on me! Youz about to get pwned!" The deranged unicorn rushed slenderman. The two wrestled one another for a moment. Only for all four to face the final new comer. "Where's Gregory, do you know where Gregory is?" It spoke as a sorrowful child, and had a face of two circles and a triangle. The thing of cardboard shuffled into the light scanning the room for his lost friend. " Do not toy with us vermin," Prince fang defied the things pleas, certain he would not fall for the 'nice' fiasco again. "Your worries shall soon be more than of your friend!" "I'm sorry (sniff) I just wanted to find Gregory that all." Not even these demon could be unmoved the this things pleas. Though not moved in ways you would expect, you see Cardboard Friend.. Is quite terrifying! Especially when he talks to you. Don't deny it, you never talked to it. "I know not wether to be sad,scared or angry." "You in I both dragon man." "That face dou." Even the slenderman shivered in disbelief. " Dang,"toilet toucher finally broke his silence. "The fight was getting pretty good." Everyone seeing him just siting on that ridiculous toilet in the most casual way, even no especially as they fought one another. I think they might be a bit steamed? "Wuh? How long have you been there?" Maxwell demanded. "I dunno, ten minutes maybe." "Why didn't you say anything!" " wanted to see where things would go from here. Seeing you dunder heads beat each other to a pulp is hilarious!" "Toilet toucher!" Prince fang made his presence relevant, taking a defiant threatening pose and developed a darker tone of voice."you were a fool to challenge the ruler of the 13th dimension on his own ground, not feel the fury of a thousand burning...Bzzzzzm!". The Prince was soon abruptly barraged by a series of yellow beams flowing forth the toilet touchers grip, sending the dragon straight into a wall. "Anyone else wanna get a licking a this?!" Toilet toucher exclaimed to the rest, who responded with murmured no's. "(Cough)...taste like unwashed dishes put in a sewer." Prince fang worked the words out, quickly recovering but returning to the rest of the crowd in fear of further assault. "Everyone calm, good. Now take a seat, really surprised any ya heard me from there. We all need to talk" Each quickly obeyed,seeing no alternative. Ounce everything was settled, the toilet toucher cracked his neck, read some stained flash cards (trust me you don't want to know what they were stained with) and quickly speeded up what was to be an ever long speech as fast as he could. "Like and genius would figure, I teleported you all here, and however irritated or however important what you were before was.. Trust me this will me more than worth your time." " your words mean nothing, what could a glorified janitor offer us?" Maxwell interrupted, seeing nothing worth his time that was not haunting someone. "Let's see...(grabs another flash card) revenge, conquest,a new world order, an old friend and uh... Ah that right ownership of Starbucks." The attention grew between them all, even the reluctant Maxwell seeing opportunity. "Are any of you aware, of the Cackasneakerman mythos?" A sudden thunder emerged from the void. Huh didn't know the 13th dimension had a sense of dramatic feel, oh whatever. " perhaps, but what makes you think it to be true." Prince fang smirked, self augured he was more educated to this subject than his 'host'. "Do we not stand the dragon things brain cage? Nor do you see the lingering eyes of lime littering the earth. Face it fang the legends are true, the only reason you do not believe is because you cannot harness the power yourself" lectured the toilet toucher, hands waving with emphasis and passion. "Perhaps you could explain to the rest of us your little legend. Heh" requested stardust whose voice revered to its original. "Why certainly my mood swinging darling! You see, the creature whose brain we stand in was ounce an all powerful monster, devouring entire worlds in an instant. But when eventually defeated was imprisoned in his own mind, forced into a constant state of 'sleep walking' if you will. But Even in sleep, Cackasneakerman can create a twisted world such as this one. Such power can be harnessed If able to wield a source of great evil and in sanity." "This is where we come in I presume?" Announced Maxwell. "Not quite," replied the toilet toucher giving the crowd uncertainty. "You see while we all carry these attributes to use the power,none of us meet the quota nessicary to open up the mind within to begin with." "Do you question my evil, nothing can match my wickedness!" Scoffed Prince fang. "Says mister October on the cutest animal calendar." Prince fangs proud expression shifted to shame as the toilet toucher showed the group, spawning Spurs of laughter. "Wouldn't be laughing myself, you see we're all more of anti Heroes at our darkest." The cosmic creeper continued, " Maxwell gas a sympathetic past, cardboard friends also suffers from too cute syndrome, slendermans past is too ominous to know true intent, I don't think there are human words to describe stardust deal and me, my motivations all whack, Destroying words in the name of toilet touching! Pfff! Let's face it were all too hilarious to gain the power needed to rule." "What about Gregory?" Cardboard friend broke his silence. "Wasn't he that casket guy maybe I can..." "DANG it!" Yelped the toilet toucher, reverting to a more familiar tone of voice. "I was getting to that you over sized biodegradable doll! You've ruined my flow, the flash cards are useless!" Toilet touchers Anger soon turned to sadness. "Oh there there tt, your doing great! Would you want a tofu muffin?" "(Sniff) maybe..." "Enough!" Squealed maxwell. "We have talked much, yet Acachalla is no closer to dead! What is your plan!" Toilet touchers fit soon faded. " alright fine, first things first. Fang what your status on the 13th legion?" " some of my associates were able to take hold on the first dimension, but the bulk are still imprisoned here." "Then what use are you to us?" The ghost questioned the dragon. Two locking eyes dead and hateful. "Foolish Acachalla, fang always has a back up plan! Though the device needed for inter dimensional travel has Been deactivated, the comic radiation left shall awaken things more savage then even my demons! Monstrosities even the Acachalla's fear!" Maxwell stared in aw for a moment, then in horrifying realization of what was to befall the first dimension."sweet macaroni...you don't mean!" "I do!" Before the dragon Prince Could finish, toilet toucher took control of the table again. " look, I this plan has been but into an ever evolving motion ever since I met that ghost fellow. We have all had our butts handed to us by P.I.E, and we certainly know the Acachalla's will always be an obstacle. But right now we only have to gain from this. You can go back to whatever you were doing before, nothing's stopping that. But best case scenario for those who leave, get killed by a drunk Brit whose last name is toast, again and again forever." Not a soul in the room dared to refute or leave, this collective would soon be born. Toilet toucher settled down, previous pose returning only with a much larger smirk. " sorry for interrupting ya fang my boy, what were ya gonna Bring Back from the Dead with your radons again?" This devilish smirk the emperor of the 13th dimension spoke a a beast long forgotten and yet still feared. In I know I should just let fang say it.but wouldn't it be cooler for it to be revealed by the next chapter title? Eh,eh? Here we go, veteran gmod fans are gonna love this (if they don't well fuee) here we go. 3...2...1... chapter two:return of the Lettuce squirrels Wait that was it, that was all the build up, jeez I suck almost as much as this story. Come to think of it can't you see the title chapters at the top. Meh, anyway I'm getting tired of the 13th dimension, smells like baboon teeth. Why don't we see what the Acachalla's are doing. Ah yes the Acachalla's, it seems there man if he house is in a state of denial. You see, he's watching a non functional television for three days straight! The rest of the family are to scared to break it to him, with his constant rants... "Don't bother me when I'm watching the game!" Eventually, after all the drawing of sticks and rock paper scissor tournaments, it was Gertrude who was burdened with this duty. Slowly the loyal wife scripted into the lounging room, standing before the couch of this behemoth. "Uh Spencerno choice the old warrior press himself upwards, scratching his butt and reaching fir his gun. "Meh, I'll just loot another TV from wallmart ." Suddenly and odd explosion came from the background. "Did ya start cooking something." Acachalla queried. "No were out of food." "Well...did ya give sue his shampoo?" "Nah he used it all, out side looks like world war 5." "Hmmm, did Freddie eat the car again?" "Nope, left the car in the lake." "(Gasp)Spencer!" Given the Realization that the abomination known as Spencer escaped, papa Acachalla sprinted to the basement(B.T.W guys like 445 pounds+, try imagining than sprinting, just saying.) mortified to see the basement door open he hear the endangered screams of billy and Sally. Followed by the screeching of the mighty spence all in the back yard. Tip toeing his way to the patio to see 'the mighty spence' blasting everything in his general direction with some laser pistol. Billy and sally cowered behind a table. Preparing to surprise attack his prisoner perfectly, papa Acachalla focus was mushed by Billy's voice. "HI PAPA! You look... Not totally awful." Sally soon followed with her pleas for waffles. "Papas here? Thank goodness, life threatening situations make me starving!" Surely enough, spencer catches on and sees his nemesis before him "Acachalla." Scoffed the hyper nerd. "As much is I would love Zerg rush your fury face with phaser fire, I don't have time for your s-sh-shenanigans!" Papa showed no fear to his opponent simply drawing forth his lovely Anabelle and matching it tospencers oight show. "Now who doesn't have time for papa?!" "Fool! Even as we speak my absolute genius senses a breakout of comic radiation around the globe. With it shall come untold chaos, to stay Any longer here would mean doom for us al.." "Oh shut up, the only breakout that we need to worry about is the one on yo face! This is exactly why I locked ya In there spence, so I wouldn't have to hear your science mumbo jumbo. And To think, I was just watching the game a couple minute ago." "Actually you were watching a black screen." Sally corrected her father with billy nodding in agreement. "Shut it! Now, thus is your final chance spencer get back in your basement and nobody gets hurt." Disgusted and insulted,spencer refused any truce that could be made " absolute nerds! You dare mock and ignore the mighty sthtththth- spence. Tamer of Leroy Jenkins, killer of 1337's, all our noobs when faced against me! You will all pay for your imprison..." "Billy, execute protocol 66." Whispered papa while spencer ranted his head off. "Okay!" Yelped the fool of unknown age, leaping forth and tackling the enemy of thirty states mid speech! Spencer squealed in fear and fired a few blank lights in the air. "Your turn sally!" O boy!" Sally clapped with joy as she to rushed to the nerd teeth reminiscent of her demonic form. The two children of Acachalla would have ended spencer right there had it not been for Gertrude. "Wait no stop!" Gertrude's voice understanding and caring for a moment. " he'l just respawn in the basement." Said Gertrude, with word of logic rather than mercy. Soon papa made the realization as well. "Hmm didn't think about that. Oh I got it well through him in the lake by the 7-11! Common kids spencer here's pretty might wiggle out my grasp." "But papa we don't have a car. It'll take forever to get there." Papa pondered of the situation for a moment. Coming to a rather terrible idea. " I gotz it, we're Freddie?" Papa Acachalla creeped to the shed were that dinosaur in every video await. " actually, walking is a much better plan than...(raaaaaaawrgg!)" the shed before the four to be wanderers shacked and bent. A reptile i pearling out in rage and hunger. "Relax billy, Freddie may be a murderous dinosaur, but that only because ya haven't let your papa show Em who's the top dog around here. Stand aside an le meh show how ya do it!" Papa Acachalla reached for the knob of the shed but the allosaurus beat him to it, ripping the door aside and pulling the old man within the shed. The three children watched in horror as the walls rattled in a frenzy and lizard hisses filled the air. Suddenly silence The walls of the shed flung to the air, now in full view was papa Acachalla sitting near majestically atop a seemingly tamed dinosaur. This two children looked upon him with aw and pride in their eyes, even the tied and gagged spencer showed intrigue beneath his rusted glasses (wait, is that rust on his glasses how I'd that possible?!) " see kids, all it takes is a little... " Freddie soon gained control of the situation throwing the fat man of his back and catching it within his mouth. I could describe that details but, uh kinda don't be rated M ya know. Anyway the kids joy became panic, all but spencer who giggled beneath his restraints. Out from the air came Acachalla, fully intact and not devoured. Being lucky enough to respawn at a reasonably close place. " I'm back from the dea....(growl). Oh no, wait Freddie please, dying hurts more than people would expect!" The Acachalla's attempted to keep their distance from the now free Freddie, as he see seemed to pick who to kill next. His mouth opened with rivers of drool with sheds of Acachalla's clothes between his dagger teeth. But without expectation the beast stopped in its tracks, turning to its sides and smelling the air. (Rrraurghh!) Sally's beloved pet rusted to its to the fence and leaped out of view, searching for prey...or rivals? "Uh papa, was that supposed to happen?" Questioned billy. Papa, recovering from his not to long ago death rose up. "Billy everything papa does is supposed to happen." "But what about Freddy?!" Sally objected woeful eyes and all. "Shouldn't we be looking for him?" "Don't worry sally Freddie always comes back. He has a taste for our blood." Papa assured his daughter, while driving an inch more of fear in his soul. " well, how are we gonna get to the 7-11 now?" "Hmmm, well just go to officer Maloney's house and loot his car, he's dead right?" But until we get there..." Papa liked to the tied spencer, wiggling within his ropes. " I'll need a little piggy back ride." And so the might spence, was Acachalla's new steed, hauling the intense weight of his own executioner to a quicker ride. The surrounding area was a ghost city, not two blocks from here was Maloney's home. "Common, giddy up, were burning daylight!" "sorry I'm so hasty to my death!" Snared spencer " hey, look one the bright side when you respawn, ya won't have to live in the basement anymore, just the cold dark outside." Spencer gave another waking breath, attempting to put sense in his captors. " if thy nerd don't release me then we're all doomed! (Huh) if we don't leave the planet now (huh) then we'll go with it!" The nerd gave one more breath before collapsing to the ground, thus ensuing papas wrath. "Hmmm, maybe we're already far enough to Kill ya, you sure and putting the effort." " maybe if we took turns he'd be less tired." Billy hypothesized. "Well as nice as your stupid idea is, I think out best bet is to finish this now." Papa pulled his gun out aimed it to the spent nerds temple. But suddenly a feeling he had not felt in a long time over came him. The scar upon his stomach ached and the shine on his head dimmed out. A low could be heard from a shadowed garage. "Freddie is that you?" Murmured sally pacing rushing to the garage in excitement. "Sally nooo! Wait!" The child stop right in front of her tracks to what was dinosaur like, but of green leafy scales. "That's not..." The beast revealed it head from the shadows, curling its neck like a snake then snared at the girl. Both billy and papa were racked with horrid memories of their last encounter with this beast, remembering it's every action. "Don't worry!" Yelped billy, without hesitation he swallowed his own tongue in order to communicate with it. "Smulagfillamerfoooou!" The creature bared a look of confusion, then was overcome with rage and swiped sally to the side! The beast reaves led its full leafy reptile body and ran upon its time toes towards the dumb child. "Great, now he's after me!" Papa turned his rifle to the beasties chest, spamming his trigger. But each bullet bounced of like rubber. The leafy thing inched it's right in front of to old man nearing its head for the bite! Unfazed, Acachalla gave the thing a knuckle sandwich,throwing the beast of track. "Ah na, I ain't getting eaten twice on a Tuesday, that for Saturday's" " ohujsnskai?!" (Alright papa!)" Billy swallowed in excitement, papa gave a neutral look and punched his son in the throat resorting his ability to speech. "Billy I have a confession, I don't think thank call works at all." "Oh, well how we gonna deal with..Him!?" Well I hope spencer don't mind on making a noble sacrifice as making a distraction would he.....huh?!" During the commotion, spencer left to who knows where. The creature soon recovered and angered tacked both billy and papa to a wall with its enormously large arms. "Well, let's hope it eats you first billy." "Okay!" But before the beast could have his prey a rival appeared to confront him. The green Goliath gnawed at the air, pulled back by more infamous fangs. Freddie had found them! The two beasties wrestled like cats on macaroni, with Freddie ending the reptilian skirmish with teeth to his foes neck. While Freddie roared in triumph and feasted upon his new meal. The Acachalla's recovered from wound and shock. The Acachalla eldest looked before the corpse of the thing that nearly killed them with rage, fear and confusion. His son saw the disscontempt in his eyes and tried to comfort him. " don't worry papa, it's probably just another dinosaur painted green. Or maybe they just glued leaves to it! Or maybe..." "Nah," papa refused to deny it, for what was before them was a lettuce squirrel. Really the wait was terrible, we've only seen like one lettuce squirel so far and were already half way through the chapter! Really poor writing, I mean these chapters are super long already you must have bored your reader by now. Oops,there I go again. Let's uh, get back to the story shall we? "Boo!" screamed sally respawning from the air right behind her dull minded family. Both gave a bit of a shriek, billy gave a chuckle while papa gave a grunt. " not the time sally, the last time I saw a lettuce squirrel was in nam, and I haven't been in nam in 200 years!" Ignoring papas worries sally noticed her 'pet' had been rediscovered. "Freddie! Your back!" The child reached to give the dinosaur a hug only to get and enraged growl, she back away as Freddie returned to his meal. " what's the big deal papa, the squirrels dead, why should we be scared?" Queried billy. " what are the chances of any, that one lettuce squirrel survived and attack us? They'll be more. What was the nerd saying about the radons?" "We should probably find him." As Acachalla said that, the rhythm of police sirens and car engines erupted by a building. As the noise grew the faint light wave red and blue emerged with a crashing car to a wall its follow up. "Infernal machine, obey me!"shouted spencer twisting and turning at the gears of the car. "Uh spencer, what are you doing?!" Snapped billy. " well I was escaping,but alas the mighty spence know not how to drive stick." "I might be able to help you with that," cried papa. " So the great Acachalla of the east believes spencer a fool. You were gonna kill me like two minutes ago. Why should I trust you?" "Because as annoying as you are, your also useful when junk like this happens. I wanna get out of here just as much as you do." " If you do wish to end this nightmare then we'll need to..." distant roars emerged from all directions, Freddie temper grew short as his enemies were near. "Spence, why don't we sort out the specifics of what we're doing when we get to the 7-11 for now, why not just ditch." At first it looked as if spencer was to scold papa for his impatience, but noticed the yellowed eyes of every corner. "Fine" spencer ultimately complied. The three Acachalla's scooted themselves into the car. But by the time they were in the car the the leafy dinosaurs surrounded them. Freddie, not excepting retreat roared in defiance and rushed what was a dozen lettuce squirrels. Clawing and gashing his way through the numbers. "Freddie, no!" Screamed sally, but the dinosaurs blind rage consumed him. "We gotta do something! Wait, are you eating popcorn?" Sally looked to her father sitting and watching the behemoths kill one another. "What are you doing?!" Hissed spencer, fearing this 'distraction' would soon falter. " you kidding me? This is like the coolest thing I've seen all month, can't we give it another 30 seconds?" "It is pretty ballah, but if we don't leave now we'll be doomed!" There argument were haunted bye a sudden horrid growl. Similar to lettuce squirrel but ever so deeper. To the center of the crowd for squirrels was one three times normal size, orange and without a tail. At first even Freddie was discouraged, but his rage took over and the allosaurus attempted to pounce this alpha. This new creature made no flinch, smacking Freddie mid air with one greasy paw. This enraged our dinosaur attempting to gash at its legs, and with his teeth were deep within its heel, the beast did not flinch, spontaneously bursting into flames! A giant With skin of fire should before the family, proving dominance over even Freddie. As the allosaurus rushed to the police car not in rage but fear, it was clear they had over stayed their welcome. The police car rushed 40,70,100mph all with an allosaurus gripped to the roof. "You just had to see the Dinos fight didn't ya?! You couldn't just go like someone with half a brain could do!" Spencer went on another rant, blaming papa Acachalla for their misfortune. " I'm sorry, I forgot some of them were fire types, but this ain't the first time I've been chased by stuff, best thing to do is to keep a positive attitude." "Yeah let's look on the bright side" billy replied to papas retort, "like what?!" "Well, we do have Freddie now." Sally tried at the subject. "That a down side! He's slowing us down! Why must you be such a..." Spencer would have insulted sally, but her eyes grew white and her teeth grew long. "Uh,amazing waffle princess heh.. Please don't kill me again." Coughed spencer. The worries of the car were certainly dwarfed by the worries out side. The lettuce squirrel pack soon became a tidal wave of monstrosities with open maw pointed forth. Harken (sorry, just had to) a beacon of hope remained. "Sally!" Cried papa seeing the squirrels had taken chunks of the rear of. "Balloons! thrusters! hover balls!" Without flinching sally spawned a ridiculous amount of everything stated. And just like that, the wave of lettuce squirrels were beyond reach. Unfortunately, flailing all over the air at speeds un imaginable in to great either. "Turn of the thrusters turn of the thrusters!" Screamed just about every one to sally. The car then landed very ungracefully. The Acachalla's while bruised beyond measure, were pleased to see the 7-11 ahead. Salvation ever so close. But wait, no. Not far in the plains were the lettuce squirrels still charging with more force than ever. "It's no use were doomed, unless, Freddie?" The bruised papa looked to there dinosaur who just as injured, made haven on the roof. "Yep,definitely doomed." Seeing everyone lost all hope, billy took a stand against the impossible wave. "don't worry guys I got this!" Instead of talking sense into the boy, papa and everyone else made it to the safety of the building. The horde neared closer and closer but billy made no retreat. Not after 30 seconds, the alpha stood half a room ahead of, billy with skin still flaming. Without reason, billy spawned in a chair. Tilted it and sat in it,nba lancing it with amazing skill. And as foolish as it looked, squirrels stopped as well. Even the alpha stared in aw at billies amazing chair skillz. "Heh, guess the chair trick still works." Murmured papa in pride and humor. "Alright billy listen up." Hollered papa in the safety of the seven eleven. "What ya gotta do, is keep doing that....forever." At first a look of humiliation and annoyance emerged from billies face, but it eventually evolved into a cheerful smile." Okay!" Looking smug and accomplished, papa sat in his little Cashier chair. The heads of Garfield,Baymax (Gmod) and withered Bonnie Mounted like trophies on the wall. Spencer however was not amused. "Get up you gala tenuous bum! You dunce of a son won't hold the reptiles of forever, the fate of the entire dimension is at stake! the choices we make now mean everything!" "Huuhhhhhhhhhhhh! Spence why do you always have to be awful. Fine what do ya got in mind?" " spencer drew out A wrinkled business card with a sketching of a pie on top. " we need to make a couple calls. chapter three:taking the elevator Alright, let's see here. I introduced you the reader to the sinister desires of the 13th dimension dwellers. We have seen the dilemmas of the Acachalla's. Who's missing now? Hmmm....oh right ghost hunting fellows. Never got what all the fuss over them was about, I much preferred the terror takes of ghost Other ego. But enough pouting, I'm sure their tale will be ever more riveting as the last two. Ah yes, the next chapter is here, P.I.E head quarters, promptly dealing with the global threat. Wait...what's this? They don't know yet! The entire city there in is flooded with lettuce squirrels and they don't know what's going on. Huh, let us indulge in their current activities. "Over here Johnny,he over here!" "Wait sir he's over here!" These Two Profesinals wailed to one another as one of there entries had infiltrated their hide out. Johnny Ghost stood in a blue militaristic attire, armed with a rifle that dispenses infinite amounts of silver bullets, while Johnny Toast took forth his relaxed Royal sleeping wear a red with an ethereal lasso, cape of holding any ghost down. They circle their living room, weapon armed hopping their target would pop "BURGUL FERGUL dergul!" ahhhh! What the heck? Don't you laugh at me, it a lot scarier when your in the story you know. The creature revealed it self to be a sickly congregation of wires cupcakes and pizza cutters with two reddish eyes atop his head. "Oh no sir,those cupcakes were for brunch!" Panted tired toast, seeing the beast had merged its body with several object in the kitchen. "Fear not Johnny.." Spoke ghost, trying to get and epic going. "The cupcakes will be avenged. '" the two Jonny's rust the kitchen gremlin, but it was able to dance by bullet and body alike. The creature then rushed ghost, slapping the gun from his hand and wiggling his pizza cutter fingers to the paranormal investigators face. " Johnny help! He'll carve my face into 8 equally divided pieces, I usually do Four!" Before the kitchen gremlin could take a good slash, toast lasso made its mark. " mergul derful buwge?!" Yelped the thing as toast bashed by the walls, finally getting it to settle down. "Alright Johnny!" Ghost congratulates his part ender for the catch. As the two laughed and high fived like some cheesy 80s cop show, the gremlin some how gave out a maniacal laugh. This caught there attention of course giving an assortment of confused eyes. "Fools. I am not even the beginning! The sky will be broken by the triumphant Roars of evil. This dimension shall be a comic necropolis!" It spoke in an educated voice with a tone of German to it. "Did, you know it could talk sir?" Insisted toast more aw struck than afraid. "Not at all." The kitchen gremlin reveled in its captor confusion. " soon, very soon ancient truths shall un vale and you will succumb to madness and death. But first..." A bulge came from the things wire neck, eventually coughing out a vcr tape. " you must be given the information to inflict self destruction." Ghost looked ever closely to the tape sensing no physical harm it could cause. "We won't watch this" murmured both johnnys with stoic face. "Ah, but you must destiny demand it!" The two ghost hunter looked at one another then returned to the situation at hand. "Sorry what we meant to say was we '''Can't ' se this, we don't own own a vcr. Heck I don't think anyone in the Tristan's area owns one." The creatures smug look soon dissolved into disappointment. "Oh well, I'm sure you'll happen buy a vcr...... Until then, I don't know. Wanna catch a movie or something?" Without warning the hallways Walls were filled with lettuce squirrels, who immediately devoured the lower entity. "Ah! Seal the doors!" While panicked and reached for the gate buttons, it was apparent that the squirrels would get there first. With quick thinking, toast threw his metal bottle of tea at the button door. The open halls were sealed by thick steel barriers. Though Johnny was irritated by toast actions. "Hey, you can't save my life twice all ready, how is everyone gonna know I'm the leader if you keep saving my skin?" "Don't worry sir, the way things are going, you'll probably repay the offer soon enough." Toast walked to the door to retrieve his whiskey er I mean Tea bottle, and heard the creatures on the other side slowly bending the door through. "Hmm, these are the most powerful level 4 I ever seen, didn't get a good look at the fellows though. I suppose we have about five minutes before the get in, I say me relax and have some tea." Without further notice, toast took a seat on the couch cushions like their lives weren't in mortal danger. "Toast we can't just relax now we're literally going to die unless we think of something." "Well we can't make a game plan unless we know what we're dealing with, and sense there not out those doors yet,("crash!") we can check the back of the house! Heh." A nervous toast panted as he heard a crash by the window. Toast would have gotten up but ghost wanted to get this one himself. Rushing to the back window to see a hole the size of a baseball. Confused as the things he saw outside were much larger, and they were thirty stories above ground. "Well I don't see anything, maybe we should check..." Ghost looked behind him to see a towering dinosaur like creature, with a snake like neck and leafy skin. The creature would have slashed ghost head off had it not been for quick timing, he dashed and filled the lettuce squirrel with silver and lead, the beast was phased but not quite dead. Limping to toast and countering him in the kitchen, the lettuce squirrel opened its mouth only for ghost to stab its mouth with the mystical metal spork they got on ebay! In pain the lettuce squirrel rushed in a random direction and broke its own neck on a wall. "Huh?" Peeped confused toast on couch. He quickly analyzed the dead specimen, and even sooner did he deduct the species. "Oh golly, it appears we're dealing with lettuce squirrels sir. Nasty things, last time I saw one was the summer of 83 in Siberia." "We don't have time for stories toast! We clear the area soon before things get out of..." Johnny ghost looked to the window to see the entire city had been infested. It looked as if the ghost hunter was to slip into panic, his partner attempted to ease his worries. " don't look so glum sir, the door still holding. And it will keep holding, just as long as they don't have..." The the metal barrier formed a heated white bubble, allowing for the giant flaming alpha to enter with his flock behind. "A tailless leader, yeah we should get in the vents, sir?" Toast looked behind to see ghost had already been half way through the vents. Irritated yet terrified, toast made it into the vent just as the lettuce squirrels would have devoured him. Son enough they made it to the roof ghost certain the Goliath's would not be able to enter the vents. "Alright toast?" "Dandy sir." "Then in that case, you got any idea what to do? In case you haven't noticed there a lot of these things." The two pondered for a moment with ghost finally coming up with something. "Well this vcr might have some answers, not every day we get and artifact this ancient. Along with this level four world wide out break, stuffs got to be connected." "But sir who do we know who's old and creepy enough to own a vcr, but also some how survive this nonsense?" Their phone abruptly rang, toast answered it like he would anyone. "This is P.I.E Getting rid of ghost on the fly! Oh mr. Acachalla,didn't know you knew how to use the phone. Alright settle down, I suppose we can make a visit but we're in a bit of a dilemma, we'll be there as soon as we can. "YOU better ya lousy Brit! always breaking into my house and stealing the attention from me!" Papa Acachalla slammed the phone back into the wall scratching his bear in frustration. Papa the gave spencer the stink eyes. "You happy now you mass of pimples!" "Don't give me that bald warlord, I hate that cliche duo just as much as you, but they are useful if anything." Papa took at look out side to check on billy. The endless wave of lettuce squirrels still gathering to see Billy's skill. Sally stood on the roof tending to her pets wounds, soothing Freddie with that horrible song. Seriously it doesn't even rhyme. "How's it going billy?!" Yelled papa from a good distance "yeah I guess, but I don't think I can do this forever now that I think about it." " don't be silly billy you got dis!" Suddenly from the distance through the wave of lettuce squirrels wave a speedy bus, amazingly coming through the insanely huge crowd, albeit with heavy damage to the vehicle. Expecting ghost to come out, papa was very disappointed to see the driver was none other than Sue Acachalla a.k.a the suckish officer. " hey guys!" Sue bellowed out running out the bus only to trip on the first step out. "Oh Sue," Gertrude spoke with worry as she left the buss as well. Enraged the the new bane of his existence had survived he shortly went to Gertrude to explain herself. "Dang it women, what have I said about bringing trash to my 7-11? We can't have the moron go and touch things, he'll ruin everything!" Gertrude was not intimated by his anger and train a calm speaking manner. "Now honey, I couldn't just leave sue, he's part of the family. Besides he helped me bring in Spencer's stuff to help out." Acachalla looked back to see sue already 'helping' sally with Freddie, and billy not caring either way. He expected the suckish officers presence for now. "Them pie fellas best be getting here quick." Pie? Oh yes we were talking about P.I.E, how silly of me. Alright so..there on the roof of a 30 story building loaded with lettuce squirrels and there supposed to be coming to the 7-11. Oh sweet! Favorite part of the chapter is coming check it! "Okay sir I have an Idea on how to get out of here." Toast began rummaging through his pj back pack to get out two parachute packs. "Parachute packs, where'd you get those?" "Found them on some dead people, looked like they fell...uh into a fatal situation completely unrelated to heights. You buying it?" "Not at all. We're just gonna have to climb down or something." Suddenly a rattling from the vents began closing near them. "Uh sir, did I ever tell you why the squirrel parts in there name?" Ghost nervously shook his head rattling still nearing. "Well, the creature seem to have the ability to change size, from as big as I dinosaur to over power prey, to as small as a squirrel to fit into small places. The small eyes appeared from the vents to reveal the pack had gotten wise to them. Both took the parachute with haste and jumped from the roofs. The falling was ever more gracious than expected. Ghost fears dissolved into joys! "These parachutes are amazing!" Johnny ghost bellowed to the heavens. "They are sir,but you haven't turned on yours yet" Johnny ghost corrected him corrected. "Well, how do you turn it..." But too late was ghost, plummeting face first into concrete ground around the wave of lettuce squirrels! And get this he didn't die, nope he just kept sliding forward through the monster infested crowd. For no physical reason. Eventually he found his body sliding straight into the walls of the 7-11. Toast landed perfectly onto the roof... But died instantly for no physical reason. After toast respawned and ghost stopped screaming in pure pain. The Acachalla's noticed the new comers. " bout time ya showed up.oh boy you guys used the parachutes? Dang that must have hurt." Ghost soon got up with quick recovery, re placing bones in an instant. " I know this is crazy, but we need to watch this vcr." Joy sprung from Acachalla's face. "An excuse to watch stuff, that's the best thing that's happened to me today! Make yourselves at home." After making greeting and updating one another on what was happening, everyone gathered to Acachalla little TV wired to the wall. With '''Every kind of movie playing device to its side. Acachalla slammed the tape in without hesitation, speeding over to his couch with popcorn suddenly in hand. "Papa wHere did you get popcorn from?" Sally discussed. "Well uh, because I'm papa Acachalla!" "Oh that makes sense." Annoyed by both the machines time to load and papa excessive crunching of popcorn corn ghost accused papa of being a nuisance. "You do realize this is just to get information right?" "Gasp how dare you make me watch an educational film, even if it is 3-D?" 3-D, oh no..." "Oh yes spoke the toilet toucher from the small rift through dimensions. "Toilet toucher!" Johnny ghost hissed the accursed name. "NOOOOOOO" "oh please don't do that thing again sir." Johnny toast interrupted ghost dramatic worry. Toilet toucher soon drew attention back to him "hello talking TV over here. Listening? Cool, because you'll need as much of what I will say as possible." "The only thing papa needs is jalepieño cheddar sausages! Call your squirrels of lettuce of or so help me I'll fill every toilet on earth with that blue stuff you hate." "Hmm I don't think I will, because as long as your in the 1st dimension, you can't lay a finger on me." Papa attempted to calm himself, allowing the bathroom wraith to finish. " the cosmic radiation is emanating from my dimension, and you can only stop it from my dimension." "Wait, why would you be giving us this information?" Pondered toast. "Because here's the best part, to get into my realm you must fully open the rift between our worlds with the head cruster." "But if we do that then an your army will trump us for sure! "But If you don't then the lettuce squirrels will trump you for sure. Poly win banger!" Toilet toucher mockingly spoke in British tone to undermine toast. "Face it ghost, you shall be your own doom ha ha ha! BOOM." Sue fired at the screen with out hesitation.for a moment almost seeming cool "Ops sorry thought this gun was a remote, this show was boring me." "You absolute nerd." The two P.I.E investigators pondered on their option, very closely nearing to the choice of the head cruster. Papa however had something he was hiding, something he never thought he would have to use again. "Wait" papa broke the silence." You want to get into the 13th dimension? Then listen up we're not using the head cruster." Then what other ideas do you have old Man?" Exclaimed ghost. "It's very simple really just go into that elevator over there." The two look at papa with eyes filled with annoyance. "I know what your thinking but I want to get this over with just as much as you do. I swear to you this will get you wear you need to go. For once in along time, papa sounded sincere and serious, conniving even the skeptical ghost hunters. "Alright, so what do we just go in here like this press the up button?" "Not exactly" papa drew a card from his wallet and had the elevator control panel scan it. Suddenly the elevator shifted and made unnatural noises, the two tried to escape to ip the process had all ready begun. "Uh what's going on?!" Demanded ghost. And without thought as the elevator doors closed papa said loud and clear "elevator source." chapter four:into the thirteenth "MAKE IT STOP SIR, MAKE IT STOP!" "I would have done that a long time ago if I could. So...many...errors." The p.i.e investigators had been standing in the insanity machine described by most as the elevator source for about five minutes. Yet the pure strangeness of it, the locations they were brought, spaceships, dinosaurs, spinning color wheels in space, dancing robots on a conveyer belt, a black and white office, a darkness that took there surrounding roof and walls from them. The insanity was near on bare able, especially for those who tried to make logic out of these things. Unfortunately their strange adventure, had only just begun. For the elevator would stop in a place not for man, because they demanded it. Now listen up, the last couple chapters were all well and good but this,This is where the true importance of things would begin. This is the part where things truly start to matter, because two heroes past will not only reveal themselves but also change the fate of the 1st dimension. After a few other hilarious,creative and horrifying areas were visited, the elevator finally stayed open. The sky looked one of those cool backgrounds of the Galaxy you get as an Internet wall paper. Ground was green rocks floating into the void of it all, the occasional dead planets lie in the distance. Strange plant life grew on the bottom of floating debris, below and above only more rock and void similar to before. "Huh, so the old man didn't stuff us in a closet and force feed us macaroni after all." Scoffed Johnny ghost attempting to act like he wasn't completely terrified. Both Johnny's had recognized the descriptions of the 13th dimension. The first phase of the mission was a success. Ghost made his first step on a rock the size of a small house, it still moved and bobbled yet Johnny was firm to it none the less any ground. "Alright toast, it's safe." "We're in the thirteenth dimension sir, as long as we're here, we're not safe." "No time to be dramatic Johnny we have a world to save!" Ghost yell echoed through the void, the echo was followed by the gut retching cries and roars of the locals. "Chhhh Huston, these Fellas are in for it now.over." Spoke a random floating astronaut, knowing that p.i.e had made a fatal folly, then simply floated away. Johnny's heroic hubris became confused fear. "Why can't we go five minutes without something trying to kill us!" "I think we've made terrible career choices sir." First a dreading silence, then the quiet scrapping of rock and moaning of gnarled maw. "Sir below us!" Skinless zombies rushed them from ground! The ghosts hunters focused their fire power below, blasting each as the came up. But there place on the same footing was inevitable, the dead one soon surrounded them. "Climb toast climb!" Ghost yelled as he jumped on upper rocks to make haven above, his partner did similar. The zombies would make pursuit, but were confronted by ethereal grenades. Disintegrating their foes from safe distance. "Sir," "Yes Johnny?" "Is it just me or have we been fighting dinosaurs a lot lately?" Toast pointed to the I'm coming pack of raptors. Along with a gigantic t-rex. "Hmmm, I call the t-rex, I'll get more credit for killing that" ghost spurred out as he reached for his machine gun. Toast was then cornered by the raptors each Circling menacingly. Unintimidated toast hunched down and began to twirl his legs in impossible ways,bending and curling waist in ways it shouldn't. This was the art of Sally when he was complete, yet feeling his thighs burning, toast reluctantly stopped. The raptor tackled ghost, causing both to dive a layer down with the charred zombie corpses. Unfazed the raptor reared its muzzle to toast forehead, while holding the dinosaur back he noticed a dog like collar on its neck. "Freddio?" Johnny murmured as he threw the lost pet of (oh I think you can guess who) of. The two engaged each other with surprisingly synchronized attacks, Greek wrestling from the U.K royal, and Wing Chung assaults from the saurian. While in heated battle toast lost footing, nearly falling of rock, freddio was in perfect position for dis en bowelment, but as the raptor leaped with mouth open wide from no where a flat screen tv flew straight into his side! Freddio made one last roar as he now flew (presumably) dead in the void. The TV,came from a gravity gun no doubt, something neither ghost or toast bang. To looked to his side to see his savior to be very surprised. "Johnny no!" Ghost screamed as he saw his friend fall into the lower layers with that prehistoric monster, in rage he fired everything his rifle would let out at the trex. But but she barely flinched, raising a single foot then slamming it down. The force sent Johnny nearly off the rock, hanging on by the edge. As Johnny regained his footing several velociraptors waited for their meal to come to them. "Dang toast you couldn't kill a little more of them could you?" The raptors charged to the pinned ghost, but we're pelted by bullets and flaming arrows. Without plausibility three persons jumped into Johnny's view, each with faces covered with colored ninja masks. A green one and a red one both assaulted what was left of the raptors, while a pink one pulled Johnny back on stable ground. "Gee uh thanks." Johnny giggled, but the pink figure only went to help with his friends. But was tail swiped by the massive trex. Johnny ghost stood mortified to see his pink saviors bones all over the floor and the red ones head now flaming, the green one seemed fine but he would have sworn he saw a crowbar. Realizing he had no weapons now Johnny began to run only for the saurian Goliath to catch up. Ounce again countered ghost stumbled upon a miracle. "Betsie the T-Rex!" Hollered a voice on the a microphone. But not just any voice it was Papas voice. "Impossible" Johnny whispered to himself. "Your days of giving Birth are numbered!" The Tyrant lizard king actually showed genuine fear for its life, giving a defiant roar to heavens. But was silenced by a bus land front first into Betsies face, causing it to dive through rock and void several miles down. Yes you read that correctly. Filled with confusion Johnny ghost rushed to the edge to see the driver hanging on to the edge. Johnny quickly pulled him up with grad tide and curiosity. "Huh, thanks stranger, you fight Pretty well without a bus." The driver was indeed papa but different. His beard was half its size, his face was much more youthful,with sunglasses clothing his eyes. His attire was made up of a golden sleeveless t shirt with pitch black leggings. His gut was much less outward, you could have said this Acachalla was in shape. " papa, is that you?" "Well stranger, either your good at guessing or I'm starting to lose track of all the punks who get abandoned at my seven eleven." It was apparent to Johnny that this papa was from the past, he remembered this face the the first few times he met him. Getting constantly killed must have not given him enough beauty sleep. "Uh I know this is gonna be hard to explain but I'm your acquaintance from the future trying to safe the world from an army of lettuce squirrels." "Meh, I can buy that." "Wait really?" "Pff, why don't you meet the rest of the Rangers." Category:Fan Fiction Category:Gmod Category:13th Dimension